My dear Dian and Dara,
Right before I turned 31, I had a total meltdown.
It wasn’t about getting old, mind you.
I don’t mind getting old.
We will all die eventually.
People who know me, they know I am not a ‘people’ person.
I will pretend like I don’t see you eventho you are standing right in front of me cos I dont know what to say.
Im just not good with small talk.
I like to mind my own business.
Someone even told me I was too ignorant of my surroundings. Just because I was quiet and just because I’ve always pretend to not know whats going on.
So I tried to open up more, voice out my opinion more, and I guess showing off more...
Deep inside I’ve always wanted to inspire people to do the right thing.
I’ve always wanted to have an impact in people’s lives.
I’ve always wanted to share more, to create more, to serve more, to inspire more.
I guess there was this little needy me that wanted attention and recognition.
Someone commenting on me being ignorant just made it worse I guess.
That night,
The night before I turned 31.
I watched something online.
And it struck me really hard.
And that was the reason of my meltdown.
“Exposing our intentions or showing off our ibadah will contaminate our sincerity. Allah may accept flawed action, but Allah would not accept flawed intentions. Once we expect rewards or praises from HIS creations, we are no longer sincere and we are no longer doing it for Allah”
Its as if Allah was trying to tell me to stop.
I felt so bad, so ashamed I cant even explain it in words.
I cried so hard I could barely sleep.
That night.
The night before I turned 31.
i learned about sincerity.
So my dear Dian and Dara,
“Cover your deeds and keep your intentions pure.”
#notestoDianDara
